I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
