I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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