Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
