Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
