Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
