Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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