I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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