her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
