I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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