her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
