Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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