Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize