every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
