Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
