I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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