I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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