wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
