Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
