my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
