That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
