She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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