I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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