i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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