Its about making memories worth repressing
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
