My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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