i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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