I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
True college students do jello shots in the library
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