mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
