OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
