dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
