your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
