my mouth tastes like poor choices
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
