FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
