Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize