He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
