After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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