I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
