You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
