She said her name was "party"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
