I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
