I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
