Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
