He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
