i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
