I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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