happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
