He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
