I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
