You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
