This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
