You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
