This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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