just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize