If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize