i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my being single is dangerous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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