Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
