he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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