I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
