I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
