forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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