no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
