Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize